Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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