I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I want to make a zoo with you.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I looked at my own cervix.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
