I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
