I'll bet she douches with gravy.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
