I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
