God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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