I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
