For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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