Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
