if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
