last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
