Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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