My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
