just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
