this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
