OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
