i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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