Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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