I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
