my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
