just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
