It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
