woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
