just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
