If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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