wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
