you guys were way drunker than both of me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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