the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
