never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
