Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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