You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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