why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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