there's paper in my vomit.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
