I faked an abortion last night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
