Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
