i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
