I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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