I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
