I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
