I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
