I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
