Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry ColdAssassin hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(518): View more from New York

Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.

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(913): View more from Kansas

you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...

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(847): View more from Illinois

I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.

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(229): View more from Georgia

They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME

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(240): View more from Maryland

Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck

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