to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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