I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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