Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
