i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
false alarm, still single
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