I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
