Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
