so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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