seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
